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To pretty much everyone who has met me, aside from my barber (shout out to Tony – your
£5 cuts are the bomb), it is obvious that I am a gay man. So why does it make me
uncomfortable when straight girls call me ‘queen’? I know that it comes with no mal-intent.
I know that it is a sign of affection, perhaps a demonstration of their ‘wokeism’, and
comfortability with my sexuality. Yet, every time it happens, I flinch a little internally.
I think it comes down to two things: firstly, my slight unease with how easily straight women
feel they can participate in queer culture. It is important to note that the term ‘queen’ was
originally used pejoratively to describe flamboyant gay men. It was reclaimed in the latter
half of the 20th century, as a celebratory way for queer people to describe themselves. But
increasingly, straight women seem to be using it as an affectionate, tongue-in-cheek ‘we’re
in on it’ sort of gesture.
Second, is the dissonance it reveals between how I see myself and how I am seen by the
world. Of course, I know that I am gay. That much has been obvious since I started looking
at men’s underwear models on Next.com at age 11. But my sexuality does not make up my
entire identity. I don’t wake up every morning and think ‘I am a gay man’. I don’t look in the
mirror and necessarily see a gay man; I just see Rory. So when someone refers to me as
‘queen’, particularly someone I don’t know very well, it reminds me that my most
prominent identifying factor for them is my sexuality. I am not uncomfortable with my
sexuality, but I am uncomfortable when I feel that is all someone sees about me. Calling me
‘queen’ feels oddly reductive of my identity.
What’s more, the term ‘queen’ is associated with drag queen culture. I have never done
drag. I haven’t worn make-up since my 15th birthday party. The closest I come to drag
culture is at Viaduct on a Friday night or (you guessed it) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. Using
the term ‘queen’, however endearing it may seem, denotes a conflation of all gay men: as
an effeminate gay man, I am automatically grouped with aspects of the LGBTQ+
community I feel pretty far removed from.
Okay, I don’t care that much, and you’re right, there are more important things to worry
about. Keep calling me ‘queen’ if you like. But I’ll keep grimacing every time you do.
Words by Rory Swann, he/him
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